She took on the world with gusto, everyday a challenge to be met head on.  She used to barrel race back when she was young. Rode the fastest horse she could find (Cha-Cha, Charger and Cricket) and loved every minute of it. She would water ski in the bayou’s of south Texas dodging alligators, snakes and cypress stumps with her daddy at the helm of the boat. She rode bulls too, back before they allowed girls to do so, just to show the guys she could. She drove fast cars, rode fast horses and eventually got the fastest boats. In spirit she was 10 feet tall and bullet proof.

In her middle life she was an artist. She painted some fantastic ocean scenes. I own all the originals. Her most breathtaking one is hanging in my bedroom, it’s colors an assortment of blues, teals, browns, and oranges. I think it was her best ever, and I’m proud to have it. Perhaps they were never oceans scenes at all, but instead the future skies over Lake Fork. Whatever the case, she was talented and should have kept it up.

She started fishing later in life, about the age I am now. She read every book, magazine, paper, article, talked to every guide, fished every cove, and learned everything she could. She appeared on the fishing scene at Fork during it’s heyday and ran a good shop.  She insisted on teaching other women the joy of the outdoors, and yet there’s still so few of us old gals running boats at 80 mph across the top of the water like she did. That life was hard on an old red-headed whitey but she loved every second out on the water, even on those frigid cold days when most intelligent souls were huddled around a heated recliner.

She retired from that life to find a different kind of race. A race towards her Master. The ride was a lot shorter than we thought but it was no different than the others. Full steam ahead, full of gusto. She loved her God and always has. The one constant in her life, the only one to never leave her. She met her Sonshine sisters at work, and she loves each of them with the same fierce passion she does us kids, and each of the friends she’s met along the way. She loves loyally. She loves deeply. She loves us all.

My mother’s body is nearly gone. The person she was has forever vanished. I thank God for giving her to me, to be her child. To learn to be tough, strong and courageous no matter what, to stand and fight for the just cause, to tackle adventures head on, to never look back with regret, to keep moving forward. My mom was not perfect, but she was perfect for me. Thank you God for this last year. I’ve never had a better friend.

Bill was out on the internet over the weekend looking for some good fishing pictures of mom and ran across several forums of fishermen sending out their prayers. We thank you so much for your continued prayer vigil for us and Mom. She is one tough cookie as you all know and very little can put a stop to her. This cancer is trying to defeat her but her while her body is giving out her strong determination and will is keeping her mind sharp. The pain medication is taking its toll on her little frame, and it probably won’t be long until the cancer wins. She is off all chemo, and won’t be going back for tests or blood work, or the like. This is it.

My Mom has lived her life fighting and determined to win, to do her best, to be all that she could be. It just really makes her mad that she can’t win this fight. She hates to lose.

I know that once she’s in God’s hands that he’ll have a mighty warrior on his side to do all that needs doing. She rarely rested in her human body, I can only imagine how powerful she will be with wings. As Bill always says, she’s a nuclear powered hummingbird.

I will try to be more vigilent in keeping the site updated. My apologies for the lack of info. Mom was supposed to use this blog to post her thoughts during this past year. She’s just too private to do that. Love to all…

First, Mom is down at MD Anderson and (so far) doing well. We’ve had some up and down moments where we thought maybe she might not have cancer, only for the diagnosis to be confirmed that it is, in fact, malignant pancreatic cancer. They did another biopsy on the pancreas last week, and while there looked at or biopsied (not sure of the details there) the nodes in the same area and did not see any thing in the nodes.

They put a stint in her bile duct because it had 100% blockage and her foods were not processing from stomach to liver/kidney/intestines and were backing up into her stomach causing severe jaundicing. Putting the stint in solved that, and she immediately got relief from all that.

When they put the stint in, they saw by cat scan that there looked to be something wrong with the liver (not sure of the details of what) so today they did a biopsy on her liver. I called Bill around 2:00 and she was out in recovery and doing very well. This was great news because the doctors really stressed the serious complications that could happen during the biopsy - like collapsed lungs - so I was greatly relieved that she came out so well.

Tomorrow Mom will go in for pain managment councelling. She’s living with some pretty serious pain daily and has been taking Oxycodone for it, but we’re really hoping for a better alternative or one that will manage the pain but not make her so tired or loopy. The pain is really something we need to get under control because it can just beat you up mentally having to deal with it all the time!

Friday we will have a meeting with the ‘chemical’ oncologist to go over their options/plans for Mom, based upon all the test results and pathologies. She’ll probably go home after that, if only for a few days, just to get away from all the hospital dreariness, spend some time with the dog, her own stuff, and recoup in the the gorgeous east Texas country air.

I’ve probably left something out…but this is what I know right now. Love to you all, and of course, keep Mom in your prayers.

Pancreatic Cancer has never been in my vocabulary before . . . didn’t know what it was . . . and really never thought anything about it.  To be quite frank, I didn’t even know what the pancreas did for our bodies until two long weeks ago!  Not only do I now know, but so does my family and friends . . . we all know how ugly and devastating those two words can be . . . Pancreatic Cancer!

Bill, my sweet, loving, supportive husband, and I were so excited because we were getting ready to go see our favorite spectator sport, the PBR - Pro Bull Riders, in Tulsa, Oklahoma on Friday, July 20, 2007.  I kept aching in my stomach, the mid-section, as if I had an ulcer.  It was just a low grade burning, so I chose to ignore it and have fun watching my favorite Bull Riders over that weekend.  While in Tulsa, we had such a good time, site seeing, visiting with the Bull Riders at their “Meet and Greet” session, eating out, and enjoying being together.  I just put the pain factor on the back burner, and decided that I would address that later if it kept on.  

Everyone knows that I eat good, low fat, low sugar, with lots of fruit and vegetables thrown in for good meal balance, therefore when the pain happened again, I just couldn’t figure out what I might be eating that would cause that much burning.  Ulcers maybe????  Oh well, I thought, it will go away.  It certainly wasn’t such a bad pain that it was debilitating, so I just kept on at my normal “Hummingbird” pace. 

A couple of weeks went by, and I could still feel this aching, burning pain in the middle of my stomach, going over to the right, under my ribs.  I thought about it and decided that I would go to the doctor as soon as my Grandson Devon returned home after a week of staying with his Grandma and Grandad.  I met Shelly, my daughter, and Devon in Denton on Tuesday, 7-31-07, and Devon and I returned to my house, after a detour to McDonald’s for a quick snack of Chicken McNuggets and a Dr. Pepper.  That night, I was really feeling som pain in my stomach, but not wanting to dampen Devon (or Grandma’s) spirit, I again pushed the stomach pain to the back of my mind.  On Saturday, 8-4-07, Bill and I took Devon back to Poolville, so that Shelly could take Devon to his Physical Therapist in Ft. Worth.   We returned from Ft. Worth, and went to the PBR Battle of the Bulls in Weatherford that evening.  No hurting or aching, so I was good to go, I thought.   We spent the night with Shelly and B.J., and returned home to Yantis on Sunday, with me sleeping most of the way (normal for me if Bill is driving).  When we got home, I was just extra tired, but I chalked that off to me being 61 and Devon is 8, and after all, I had planned way too much for us to do the previous week!

Monday morning, 8-6-07, I called for an appointment with Dr. Pierce, and got right in with a 9:30 AM appointment.  Dr. Pierce thought may stomach pain  was either ulcers, or maybe a gall bladder problem, and scheduled me for some lab work and a Ultrasound of the Gall Bladder. 

During the Ultrasound, Dr. Jennings, our resident Radiologist, came in and took a look at what the Ultrasound Tech was viewing on the computer, and he commented then that I had a dilation of the pancreatic duct, which looked a little worrisome to him.  Ok, . . . worrisome . . . so that is not a big medical word.  My lab came back looking ok, but in the mean time, Dr. Pierce ordered a Hida Scan to be performed on my ducts running from the stomach to the gall bladder to the pancreas.  On 8-14-07, I had the Hida Scan which revealed everything flowed ok from organ to organ and no problems were detected.   On 8-20-07, 11:00 AM, a Cat Scan was performed on me to look at the gall bladder, liver, pancreas and stomach. 

 That afternoon I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Pierce for Tuesday morning, 8-21-07 at 11:30 AM, anticipating that I would need to discuss with him all the tests I have had so far.   Tuesday morning I got to work and went straight to Radiology and requested a report of my Cat Scan.  After reviewing the Cat Scan report, I noticed that Dr. Jennings had stated that my dilated pancreatic duct was worrisome for Pancreatic Carcinoma, and then I saw other medical terms like low density mass, neoplasm in the pancreatic ucinate area.  Hmmmm . . . I thought, I had better check those words out on Google.   Uh-oh, carcinoma is CANCER; neoplasm can be a tumor or cancer mass . . . , so immediately I call my Bill and told him that I would like for him to go with me to Dr. Pierce’s office for consultation.   Bill passed every car on Hwy 69, and got here in record time.  We arrived at my 11:30 AM appointment, and Dr. Pierce looked over all the reports, stating that the information is troubling.  Bill and I were in shock, we were devastated, things were just not sinking in.  Bill left to go home, I returned to my office, and Dr. Pierce’s nurse Rebecca called me with an appointment to meet with a Gastroenterologist, Dr. Lin the next day.    

Dr. Lin was a nice doctor, not much experience in Pancreatic Cancer, but he did feel that I need a biopsy to be conclusive, and Bill and I agreed.  He had me stop by the Trinity Mother Francis Lab and have a more extensive blood test done.  On Friday evening, Dr. Lin called our home at 6:30 PM with the dreaded news . . . My CA19-9 Tumor Marker test was “high”, and I asked him how high.  His answer was “very high”.  He said that he would get everything scheduled for the biopsy with Dr. Duvall, and call to let me know when that will be.  

 I am now scheduled for Tuesday, September 4, 2007, 2:45 PM for the biopsy that will tell us the news of which road I travel next.   I have FAITH, HOPE, Love of my GOD, and I know he will take care of me.  He will give me the courage to face what lies ahead, and he will give me the encouragement to help and love my children and husband through a very uncertain time in our lives.   Remember, he already knows the outcome of the biopsy that will be performed on Tuesday. 

Please pray for us, sing your praises LOUD, FULL OF LOVE, and RESPECT to God, our Father, our Maker, our Lord of the Heavens and universe.  He holds my life in his hands and he already knows whether I will be here for another season, or if it is my time to join him  in heaven.   I love my family, and I will always love my family.  I love you Bill Ruslink, my husband; I love you Warren - my son; I love you Shelly Ruth; and I love you Lisa!  I love you Kari, and Tami, and Devon, with all my heart I love you all! 

A little gift from your geeky high-tech daughter.