Sherry Ruslink

My mom loves you guys. It dawns on me how different we each know her, the special parts of herself that she shared with each of us; how delicate our memories all intertwine. My mom’s life with us all is like a rubicks cube. Complicated, varied, yet all a part of the same puzzle.

She took on the world with gusto, everyday a challenge to be met head on.  She used to barrel race back when she was young. Rode the fastest horse she could find (Cha-Cha, Charger and Cricket) and loved every minute of it. She would water ski in the bayou’s of south Texas dodging alligators, snakes and cypress stumps with her daddy at the helm of the boat. She rode bulls too, back before they allowed girls to do so, just to show the guys she could. She drove fast cars, rode fast horses and eventually got the fastest boats. In spirit she was 10 feet tall and bullet proof.

In her middle life she was an artist. She painted some fantastic ocean scenes. I own all the originals. Her most breathtaking one is hanging in my bedroom, it’s colors an assortment of blues, teals, browns, and oranges. I think it was her best ever, and I’m proud to have it. Perhaps they were never oceans scenes at all, but instead the future skies over Lake Fork. Whatever the case, she was talented and should have kept it up.

She started fishing later in life, about the age I am now. She read every book, magazine, paper, article, talked to every guide, fished every cove, and learned everything she could. She appeared on the fishing scene at Fork during it’s heyday and ran a good shop.  She insisted on teaching other women the joy of the outdoors, and yet there’s still so few of us old gals running boats at 80 mph across the top of the water like she did. That life was hard on an old red-headed whitey but she loved every second out on the water, even on those frigid cold days when most intelligent souls were huddled around a heated recliner.

She retired from that life to find a different kind of race. A race towards her Master. The ride was a lot shorter than we thought but it was no different than the others. Full steam ahead, full of gusto. She loved her God and always has. The one constant in her life, the only one to never leave her. She met her Sonshine sisters at work, and she loves each of them with the same fierce passion she does us kids, and each of the friends she’s met along the way. She loves loyally. She loves deeply. She loves us all.

God have mercy on this fighting spirit. Draw her closer to you and comfort her during these last hours. My mom is a fighter, tough as nails, loyal to a fault, strong and so very determined. Please hold her hand and let her know it’s okay to go, that the fight can be won in heaven, not here. She’s so very ill, so labored, so pained. Her body is giving out, and if she were more aware, she’d be mad as hell. She hates weakness, she never wants to be seen as weak. This body of hers is now an enemy and she’s battling against it.

My mother’s body is nearly gone. The person she was has forever vanished. I thank God for giving her to me, to be her child. To learn to be tough, strong and courageous no matter what, to stand and fight for the just cause, to tackle adventures head on, to never look back with regret, to keep moving forward. My mom was not perfect, but she was perfect for me. Thank you God for this last year. I’ve never had a better friend.

To all who have visited and left comments, my apologies for not posting them. The comments are moderated to keep out the spammers (and there are tons!) and I have not been looking at that part until today.

Bill was out on the internet over the weekend looking for some good fishing pictures of mom and ran across several forums of fishermen sending out their prayers. We thank you so much for your continued prayer vigil for us and Mom. She is one tough cookie as you all know and very little can put a stop to her. This cancer is trying to defeat her but her while her body is giving out her strong determination and will is keeping her mind sharp. The pain medication is taking its toll on her little frame, and it probably won’t be long until the cancer wins. She is off all chemo, and won’t be going back for tests or blood work, or the like. This is it.

My Mom has lived her life fighting and determined to win, to do her best, to be all that she could be. It just really makes her mad that she can’t win this fight. She hates to lose.

I know that once she’s in God’s hands that he’ll have a mighty warrior on his side to do all that needs doing. She rarely rested in her human body, I can only imagine how powerful she will be with wings. As Bill always says, she’s a nuclear powered hummingbird.

I will try to be more vigilent in keeping the site updated. My apologies for the lack of info. Mom was supposed to use this blog to post her thoughts during this past year. She’s just too private to do that. Love to all…

Mom isn’t doing so well. In fact, she’s not doing good at all.  Her ability to speak, her lucidity, the vivaciousness that is Sherry is being sapped away by pain medication. We’ve cried great big alligator tears. We’ve said our good-byes and have wept more than we care to admit. My mom is leaving this world and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I’ve prayed that God would lift this demon from her; to spare her if even for another year; but it is not in his plan. This mother I’ve grown so close to this past year is slipping from my grasp and I don’t want this to happen. How can you say good-bye to your mother? You can’t.  She’s in excruciating pain. I ache for her. I ache to see her so weak and helpless. This woman, this bigger than life, fight hell with a squirt gun force I call mom. I love her. I can only scream at the sky how much I love her and how much this world will be less because of her absence. I miss her already and she’s not yet gone. But her time is coming. And it’s not fair to lose only what we’ve just begun.Only God knows how much she will be missed. Only God knows how much respect and love I have for her. I appreciate her more than I can ever express, and most of all I love my mother more than I ever realized. God please, please don’t take her away. 

Sorry for the long delay in getting an update out on mom/Sherry. It’s my job to keep everyone in the loop, and I’ve not done so well.

First, Mom is down at MD Anderson and (so far) doing well. We’ve had some up and down moments where we thought maybe she might not have cancer, only for the diagnosis to be confirmed that it is, in fact, malignant pancreatic cancer. They did another biopsy on the pancreas last week, and while there looked at or biopsied (not sure of the details there) the nodes in the same area and did not see any thing in the nodes.

They put a stint in her bile duct because it had 100% blockage and her foods were not processing from stomach to liver/kidney/intestines and were backing up into her stomach causing severe jaundicing. Putting the stint in solved that, and she immediately got relief from all that.

When they put the stint in, they saw by cat scan that there looked to be something wrong with the liver (not sure of the details of what) so today they did a biopsy on her liver. I called Bill around 2:00 and she was out in recovery and doing very well. This was great news because the doctors really stressed the serious complications that could happen during the biopsy - like collapsed lungs - so I was greatly relieved that she came out so well.

Tomorrow Mom will go in for pain managment councelling. She’s living with some pretty serious pain daily and has been taking Oxycodone for it, but we’re really hoping for a better alternative or one that will manage the pain but not make her so tired or loopy. The pain is really something we need to get under control because it can just beat you up mentally having to deal with it all the time!

Friday we will have a meeting with the ‘chemical’ oncologist to go over their options/plans for Mom, based upon all the test results and pathologies. She’ll probably go home after that, if only for a few days, just to get away from all the hospital dreariness, spend some time with the dog, her own stuff, and recoup in the the gorgeous east Texas country air.

I’ve probably left something out…but this is what I know right now. Love to you all, and of course, keep Mom in your prayers.