Mom awoke this Monday morning more fully aware of her surroundings, and able to communicate on a deep level - with very few words. The words she did say were obvious that she knew she was fast approaching the end. She’s still so worried about us, about Bill, and the unfairness of being taken so soon, and in such a horrific, debilitating way.

My heart aches for this strong powerful woman. I had rather her be too doped up to know how bad off she is. Now this morning dawns and she knows just how much she has lost of her former self. I pray that God can comfort her when she’s so angry at being taken down like this. I pray that he decides to just do this more swiftly. I can’t imagine that she’s in any condition to learn any more lessons or listen to him any better. Why can they not just have that conversation on the other side?

She’s madder than hell at the strength she’s lost. The once powerful right arm that could bowl with a 16 pound ball all night, or sling cast after cast all day is giving out on her. She hates being this way. She wanted to go out the way she lived her life, full speed.

I look around at all her stuff, her unfinished projects and reminence about my own. What does it all mean, really? It only means something to you, no one else, not in the same way. None of this stuff - work, cars, projects - mean anything in the end. Even the relationships you have with other people really don’t mean much either. Not when it all boils down to that one final moment. At that time, there’s only one thing that matters. What kind of relationship did you build with God?

It’s about to become the most important thing ever.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 13th, 2008 at 7:19 am and is filed under Shelly's Updates. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.